This post was requested by a friend. It was appropriate because after listening to my Pastor minister about “Relational Wisdom” last night at Bible Study, I though it would be good to dig in the archive of some of my past postings and resurrect this one.
I have been thinking a lot about women, femininity, beauty and jealousy, so it prompted the birth of this entry. So I decided to share my thought on the topics with you all. In my own personal life with women I know or have met briefly, particularly women with a strong feminine essence, they all talk about how they have a strong need for beauty. Whether it is keeping their hair and nails done regularly or just putting a lil extra care daily into how their appearance is when they leave the house. This need for beauty may show up in how they appreciate nature and the outdoors, it may show up in a love for design and decoration, we may show it in our love for fashion and beauty. These can be all examples of how we honor beauty and the femininity in our lives. I believe that one of the deepest causes of jealously is that when women diminish this need for beauty in our lives, we diminish it, we minimize it and we say that it’s not important. What happens next is we are confronted with mirror, we come across a woman who is really allowing that need for beauty to be expressed and she manifests that beauty in her life. She is out there lovin’ it up in nature, she may be married and having great sex, her house is beautiful or her body is beautiful, or she dresses beautifully. We see and we just get sick, we get so sick inside, we just get so jealous. What that jealously really is, is a deep need from our soul, from our inner feminine saying, “Nurture me! Nurture my love of beauty too! Feed me, can’t you see how starved and neglected I am?” I believe that when we feed our beauty meter and we honor our inner feminine in our lives, the jealous just goes away. The jealous goes away because we are meeting our needs. We are not so intimidated by other women who are honoring and embracing their own beauty.
The combination of feeling beautiful and being beautiful primarily comes from inside. A confident woman glows and when a woman glows and her light is shining it can often be intimidating to other people.
Have you ever walked into a room full of people for the first time, greeted the people as you walked across the room, only to later catch one or a few group of other women glaring at you from across the room, with unwelcoming looks written on their faces?
It can take you aback a little bit but what it really says is, they saw you in your flow or saw your light shining or you living freely in the moment and it was intimidating to them. I know how they felt because I was in their shoes before. In a time when my light wasn’t lit and I didn’t allow my beauty to unfold.
When women are jealous and insecure about other women they make snide remarks about them, they internally criticize them because they want to make those women have the same dimmed lights as their own.
So this brings up a question… What do you do when you encounter a woman who clearly has her light shining brighter than our own? Do we try to bring her down? Do we feel jealous and competitive? Or instead can we us that woman as a beacon, can we allow that woman to lift us up so that we can unfold more of our light?
When we let our lights shine we unconsciously give permission for other people to do the same. When we give ourselves access to be feminine to be beautiful and to stop comparing our beauty and uniqueness to other women and their beauty, we give ourselves access to more joy, more contentment and more security in who we are.
As your joy increases you are able to increase the amount of joy you share with others. As your joy increases, self-destructive behavior decreases.
A person account:
I remember a friend from college, a “heartbreakingly” beautiful girl who incited much envy from other girls. Her crime? She let her beauty shine: she wore make-up, curled her hair and dressed stylishly. When girls spoke about her beauty behind her back, they would whisper, “But she wears a lot of make-up,” as if that could explain away her beauty.
This competitive drive, this need to label – am I beautiful? am I pretty? how pretty? where do I fall in the beauty spectrum? – keeps us from honoring our unique beauty. It stagnates our individuality. Instead of enjoying our beauty, and trying to be our best selves, we act like high girls who all have to dress alike, talk alike, and look-alike. Jealousy at work.
If we believe that we are in a giant, cosmic beauty pageant with other women, that other women’s beauty somehow diminishes our own, or if we are addicted to being the prettiest woman in the room, we will never feel good enough. Instead of befriending other women, or celebrating their gifts, we will see them as the enemy, and do everything we can to knock them down. Instead of befriending ourselves, and our own bodies, we will see them as the enemy, and do everything we can to knock them down.
When we’re feeling jealous, we think someone else has something we don’t or can’t have. It can arise because we think beauty is a limited commodity – your beauty somehow takes away from my own, or vice versa. It becomes a scarce resource we fight over so we can get our “fair share.” LOL! How amusing, yet sad at the same time.
Instead of using these feelings as cause to hate a pretty woman, or worse, to use them as ammunition to hate yourself for feeling jealous, I gently invite you to use that discomfort to unleash your true self. Use your envy like a pitchfork, to dig underneath whatever keeps you from being authentic and find that juicy, creative, beautiful manna that resides inside, just waiting to burst forth. Jealousy is only a signpost, to guide you to a place where you feel lacking. Think about how you can fill that lack by being authentic to who you are, to your body, to your beauty, and then sharing that with the world.
Hopefully, as we meet our envy with kindness, we can soften it’s hold.
This is why this practice is important to me: When we’re jealous of other women, when we’re competing with each other, we crumble the foundations of our very support. Women need each other. I’m reminded of this everyday, when a friend or my mom comes to my aid. While I adore my husband to life, and am forever grateful to have his support, it’s different. It is the women in my life who uphold me and understand my feminine journey. There are things that my husband can’t relate to and shouldn’t because he is a true man. So I do rely on some of my female counterparts to share and give advice.
Every time we uphold another women and encourage their strength, their individuality, their uniqueness it gives room for everyone else’s light to shine also.
What are your thoughts?